LAST TOUR: WHY I WANT TO DIE?

        I’ve been feeling trapped by my own insecurities. Instead of giving myself strength and hope, I let doubt take over and filled myself with pain. My thoughts are heavy. I’ve tried to be a good child, haven’t I? But still, I feel stuck, like a passenger in a jeepney going nowhere. With strict parents waiting for me at home, I know I’m in trouble.

        I remember stepping into a jeepney with a heavy heart. I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. I didn’t believe in myself.

        It was raining hard, and my heart felt cold. After keeping it beating for eighteen years, it was losing its warmth. My heart wanted to stop. I wasn’t losing faith, but I knew I was in a difficult place. I felt empty, like I had nothing left. So, I prayed, wishing I could be with my father.

        But whenever I talk to him, it feels like he wants me to give up. I know I’m not a perfect child. I can’t lead, and I don’t think I can be the person God wants me to be. But I told myself not to let my enemy take over my heart. Even though I fail and feel weak, I believe that God has no limits.

           I cried when I remembered that God loves me. At first, it didn’t seem to matter, but I’ve heard Him say "I love you, my child" many times. Whether I’m late for class and get scolded, when people try to bring me down, when I trip on the stairs and others laugh, or when I fail a test—I hear Him whisper, “Just pray.” I can feel His spirit comforting me, holding me until my worries go away.

        God’s kindness helped me realize that my own thoughts make me weak. But He gave me peace and pushed me to move forward. I want to be ready, so when I meet my Savior, I can tell Him I endured the pain and used my strength to serve Him.

        By taking the first step and choosing to do the right thing—not just in this jeepney, but also in the journey ahead—I will trust Him. The road may be painful, but I believe it can be healed, because I see God at the finish line, waiting for me.